People That Should Get An Award For Being A Badass

If theses aren’t the worlds biggest bad asses then they should at least replace the guy on the Dos Equis commercials as the most interesting man in the world. If not they should have an annual bad-ass hall of fame and have inductees every year. These are 5 of the top people i would nominate right off the bat.

1)Michael Malloy

Mike Malloy left and his four murders

He had several aliases like iron mike or mike the durable. Michael Malloy was a homeless alcoholic. One day when times were tough during the depression got tired of Michael never paying his bar tab. So the bar owner and 4 of his friends came up with the idea of taking out a life insurance policy on him. There first idea was to try to get him to drink himself to death by giving him unlimited credit at a bar that one of them owned. When they realized this would take a very long time they started in with more severe strategies. So they started putting anti-freeze in his drink… then turpentine, then horse tranquilizer, and finally rat poison. To their surprise None of them killed Malloy.

The men then tried feeding him raw oysters with wood alcohol and poisoned, spoiled sardine sandwiches (filled with carpet nails). Again, none of this worked, so they waited for him to pass out drunk one night, then dragged his body out into the -26 °C night and left him there to sleep (pouring 20 liters of water on him for good measure). The next day, Malloy came into the bar and ordered another drink.

The group then ran him over with a car at 70km/h. This hospitalized him for a few weeks, but again, didn’t kill him. Eventually they succeeded by putting a gas pipe down his throat (after he passed out drunk of course) and pumping gas into him for an hour. By this time the rumors of Michael’s durability were becoming legend and the police suspected foul play. They were later caught, convicted of murder with four of them receiving the death penalty.

2)Ching Shih

A wanted poster for Mistress Ching

She was a Chinese prostitute who married a pirate and took over his fleet when he died. She ran her ships with an iron fist and took no shit and was super successful, to the point that the Chinese government sent out an armada to stop her. She kicked their asses and captured 63 of their ships. They fought for two years and even brought in Dutch and British ships before they gave up and offered amnesty to her and her 17,000 crewmen. She got to keep ALL of her loot, spent her later years running a brothel/casino and lived to be 69.

Her character has been portrayed over the years in several movies but most recently in the “Pirates of the Caribbean: At The Worlds End” movie.

3)Christopher Lee
Running through his resume reads like a fictional character. He worked in military intelligence during WW2, His cousin Ian Fleming created the character of James Bond is supposed to be part based on him.

Lee fought with the Gurkhas of the 8th Indian Infantry Division during the Battle of Monte Cassino. While on leave in Naples, Lee climbed Mount Vesuvius, which erupted three days later. During the final assault on Monte Cassino, Lee was nearly killed when one of the planes crashed on takeoff and he tripped over one of its live bombs.

For his acting career he played Count Dracula in a string of popular Hammer Horror films, a James Bond villain in The Man with the Golden Gun, Lord Summerisle in The Wicker Man, Saruman in The Lord of the Rings films and The Hobbit films, and Count Dooku in the final two films of the Star Wars prequel trilogy.

At the ripe age of 88 he released a Heavy metal album which has won awards and at his 90th birthday made him the genre’s oldest performer; he had a song in the Billboard Hot 100 in December 2013 making him — at 91 — the living oldest performer to ever chart; released an EP earlier this year, at 92.

A few other things: speaks 6 languages, he has appeared in more on-screen sword duels than any other actor ever, he once busted his face smashing head-first through an actual plate glass window for a scene, the Oracle of Bacon lists him as the Center of the Hollywood Universe because anyone in history links to him in 2.59 steps, he’s also been Knighted, he has the right to bear the coat of arms of the Holy Roman Empire due to his ancestry, he married a super model (still going after 53 years), and he’s 6’5″. So yeah, pretty darn impressive.

Coolest fact though is he was also present at the last public use of a guillotine.

4)Roy Benavidez
Long story short, he went to save his comrades who were outnumbered, the helicopter couldn’t land because of the intense small arms fire, so he jumped from the hovering helicopter something like 30-50 feet in the air. He then had to run 75 meters to his comrades where he was shot in the leg, face, and head on the way. Once he got there he started rescuing his squad-mates and while he was doing so got shot in the gut and took a grenade to the back. He then found out the helicopter crashed so he went and rescued the wounded pilot from the wreckage, and proceeded to call in airstrikes and call for another rescue attempt. He was shot in the thigh a couple more times, and one his trip back to the backup rescue chopper, he was beaten and stabbed by an enemy who he then killed in hand to hand combat.

Once he FINALLY made it back to the chopper, he then allowed his comrades to pull him in. When they arrived back to the base he was pronounced dead and put into a body bag. As they were zipping up the body bag he had only the strength to spit to let them know he was still alive. He survived these wounds and received the Medal of Honor.

5)I have no idea who this is or where its from. All I know is he’s Nigerian and holding a chained Hyena to him. That’s enough as far as I’m concerned.

Leave a Reply